The history of “Not Yet & Don’t Ask”

The name comes from one of the adoption classes we attended. The instructor told us there were various stages everyone goes through during the wait for a referral: excitement, where all you want to do is tell everyone what you’re going through; tedium, when you wonder if referral day will ever roll around; and anxiety, where your answer to the question, “Have you heard anything? When will you hear something?” is: NOT YET AND DON’T ASK

Well, we couldn’t see being quite that taciturn, so we built a forum for getting the word out to friends and family scattered across the country. And in between obsessive analysis of newsgroup postings and statistics sites, we thought somebody might like to hear about the other stuff…

Like a lot of bloggers, we started off with fairly regular postings. But once we returned from China, the activities of actually BEING parents gradually diverted our attention. Posts dropped off quickly, and by November of 2004, we were pretty much done. At that point, we thought of ourselves as just another family, with little that would interest other people. (And other people generally agreed, and that was fine.)

We left NOT YET AND DON’T ASK as it was. It served as a trip down memory lane, and a convenient place to point people to if they wanted to know the story of our adoption, or see some pictures from China. The hosting costs were cheap enough, and it didn’t require any additional effort.

The blog originally used pMachine as a platform, state-of-the-art stuff in 2004. But pMachine was discontinued, and further development on it stopped. Not a problem for us, I thought. But security weaknesses in the software were discovered by malfeasors, and went unpatched…until in early 2009, NYADA was simultaneously hit with a comment spam attack and some malicious hacking.

The hosting company disabled the site, giving us the opportunity to repair it and bring it back online. But it was right in the middle of my busy season, and since pMachine was so old, there was no easy way to migrate to another, more secure and current, platform. The site was still there, but nobody could get to it.

Finally, at Lauri’s urging, I bit the bullet and manually converted the blog to WordPress in July of 2012. All the posts are here, just as they were on the original site. Comments are here, too. I took advantage of WordPress’s more modern capabilities, like embedding certain videos, and presenting the comments as conversations. The heart of the site is the same as it was (I hope).

With luck, WordPress’s popularity and enthusiastic user and development community will keep things safe(r) than they were.

Of course, in the intervening eight years, all but a few of the external links have gone dead. That’s just the nature of the World Wide Web. I’ve replaced what links I could with equivalents; where there was no alternative, I’ve simply replaced the hyperlink text with a [DEAD LINK] indication.